You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
