tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
