if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I look better un-naked...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
