just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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