He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
