I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
