Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
