sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
