it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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