If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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