apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize