I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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