fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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