Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
