Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
