This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
