grandma shit on top of the toilet
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
