The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
