I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
