What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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