my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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