Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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