I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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