dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
