I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
