I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
