I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
