We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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