VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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