3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Holy shit dude........stairs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
