Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
