they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize