Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
