return my video game
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
