My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize