i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
