I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
