i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize