Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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