Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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