somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
