he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
