she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
