I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
