I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Randomize
