you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
