I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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