Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
