Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
