Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
