are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
