the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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