I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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