I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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