i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
