I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
