how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
