I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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