I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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