The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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