I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
