mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
